MR HENRY, THE CAPTAIN NIGERIA – Hilarious! … (18+) … Part 1
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Henry jumped out of bed,
Henry: “Wow! Shit! I’m late!”
Shola was all covered upon the bed,
Shola: “Baby,where are you running to?” he grabbed the toothpaste pressed it out as it smeared on the ruffled brush in a heap and rammed it into his mouth.
Henry: “I did tell you that I was supposed to take my madam for a meeting by 8 am and it is almost time,” he brushed in a bustle like the brush was at war with the teeth, “I’m blaming you for waking late!”
Shola stood up from the bed smiling as she held him from behind,crossed her hands over his chest
“Eh,eh not now, baby!”
She chortled,
Shola: “Just a quickie, please!”
Henry: “I cast and bind!” he ran to the bathroom and rinsed his mouth she flung herself on the bed laughing.
Henry was a driver of the local government chairman- he was the most trusted driver as most member of the family preferred him driving. A master of the wheels; cool, calm and collected. A graduate of Mechanical engineering from Ibrahim Badamasi Babangida University,Lapai but he wasn’t lucky with finding a lucrative job as one would expect for a graduate. He had left the village to come to Abuja in search of a greener pasture but for a year life seemed to have served with limes and all the efforts to make lemonades out of them proved abortive. It was frustrating. Every office he visited was always a , “No, we aren’t recruiting! Try next time!”
And other times he was yelled at. Each day came with its own frustration,
“When would I ever get a good job,” he ranted.
After a long search, he got a marketing job and he was made peanuts of twenty thousand naira. It couldn’t even rent a decent apartment and not too talk of affording a good meal. After months, he grew disgruntled and resigned that was when he met Shola; a head dresser down his street. They met at a church meeting- house fellowship. The house fellowship was at a neighbour and after much pestering from his neighbour’s wife,
“Bro Henry, you must attend house fellowship today ooo!” He smiled and nodded- he always left lazy attending church activities. He was part of those tagged as ‘Sunday-Sunday Christians!’ Henry was totally at peace with going to church only on Sundays. And it was his mother’s words that propelled him to attending church,
“Henry don’t be too busy for God! Always attend church, please!” she always said to him whenever they spoke on the phone. Their conversations always ended with those lines. It had become an anthem. Sometimes he rudely ended the call before she spewed the lines out and she’d call back. She just had to spew them out. And on Sundays no matter how early he woke up he must get to church late,
“I’ll try to break this jinx!” he’d always say.
It only got worse. He gave up. Perpetual later comer, that was the title he wasn’t ready to share with anyone.
Some minutes to four, the son of his neighbour, Junior was at his door,
Junior: “Knock!Knock!” he yelled as he knocked. The noise rang into his ear making the nagging headache worse. The headache was the first fruit of hunger.
Gloomy, he made for the door the sun hit him very hard on the face as he opened the door,
Henry: “ Junior…”
Junior: “…Good evening Uncle, mummy said you shouldn’t forget about house fellowship!” before he could respond the young boy had fled. The message was passed via garbage in and garbage out system- he had crammed it so he doesn’t forget.
Henry yawned and shut the door. It was at the House fellowship that he met Shola. He used to see her anytime he walked pass her shop but never took interest in her but that day seeing her closely left him drooling. Ebony and beautiful. It was a love feast,
Shola: “what would you like to eat?” the smoothness of her voice tickled his ears and he wanted to hear more that so on purpose he asked again. Pretending not to have heard her,
Henry: “Pardon?”
Shola: “what should I serve you?” she repeated with a smile he gave a nod and as if she knew the level of his hunger she served him a mountain like rice.
They exchanged numbers,
“Are you on Whatsapp?” she asked.
Henry: “Yes!” that’s my whatsapp number!”
They started talking and in no time they became lovers. He was head over heels for her. What intrigued him about her was her insatiable love for books. She read anything that came her way. She just had a diploma in Public Administration from a private polytechnic in Abuja.
Shola: “I want to apply for direct entry next year by God’s grace at Abuja University!” she said to him.
They had the habits of sleeping over at each other’s house. They slept apart only if one of them wasn’t in town. They had sex every day. Henry got tired; there were days he just wanted to cuddle, talk and have a good time but she always had a way of making them end up grinding and thrusting.
Henry: “You know it’s tiring sometimes!”
Shola: “what?”
Henry: “The everyday sex making!”
Shola: “You don’t have to, baby!” she lurched at him with a kiss.
Henry: “Can’t we just have a day without it?” as he was talking she was started undressing,
“lord have mercy!” she flung herself at him.
It was no use complaining- they had gotten addicted to having sex.
He had gotten the job as a driver through his lover, Shola, the chairman’s wife was a client and one day she heard her rant,
“All the drivers we have are just too careless for my liking! I told my husband to fire them and look for better ones, “she said to a friend she came with, “they are always spoiling one thing or other!”
Shola told her about Henry and he was tested and found worthy.
….
Henry jumped into his trousers,
Henry: “help me with my wrist watch please!” he sat on the edge of the bed struggling with the legs of his black pants as she knelt on the bed resting on his shoulders,
Shola: “Take!” she handed the watch to him, “So when would you back?”
Henry: “I don’t know oo!” she threw herself on his laps, “If they sack me eh!” he tickled and she fell to the ground laughing. Without wasting much time, he ran to the door.
Shola: “My kiss o!” she ran after him but he was in the car already, blew him a kiss as he drove off,
Henry: “I love you,too!” he said reversing, leaned on the door using the curtain as a cover she watched him drive away.
…
They were on their way,
Henry: “where is the meeting ma?”
First lady: “Bolingo hotel!”
Henry: “Okay,ma!” he drove off.
First Lady: “So, ehm,” she tried starting up a conversation with him, paused for a while as if she were having a second thought, “how’s your girlfriend?”
The question startled him,
Henry: “Ma! You said?” looking at her through the mirror that stood over his head-their eyes met and he dropped his.
She smiled,
First Lady: “What? Don’t you have one?”
He felt salt gushed into his mouth. Why would she ask such a question? He thought.
Henry: “she is fine,” he stammered- he could see her smile,
First lady: “Don’t be scared. We are just talking right?”
He lost control for a while as she patted him on the back-she had drawn closer,
“I can make you very rich,you know?” she whispered into his ears, “Just make me happy!”
“God punish you! You blind?” a taxi driver cursed him who he almost ram into.
She relaxed back on her chair smiling. Henry was sweating; he couldn’t believe his ears.
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